National Shoot a SPAMMER Day

Shoot a SPAMMER Day is April 15, 2004

My fellow Americans. As you will no doubt be aware, the first national shoot a spammer day is fast approaching.

Please don't be caught off guard by leaving it till the last minute to buy your munitions. Gun shops everywhere are stocking up NOW on models that include laser guidance systems and night vision.

Shooting a SPAMMER is easy. You may have some difficulty finding one, but once you do, shooting them is easy! It's just a matter of point, click, delete ... very similar to how you deal with the messages they send you (200 f@$king times a day).

Finding a SPAMMER

If you have any trouble locating a spammer to shoot, here are a couple of tell-tail signs:

Anyone called YoDude!
Anyone who claims they makes $40000/day for 10 minutes work

I personally approve of shooting anyone doing one of these:

Connecting a Win98 machine to the Internet
Running Unpatched IE
Running Outlook with Scripting Enabled
Using IIS for a mission crytical website

If you're still having trouble locating a target for Shoot A SPAMMER Day: April 15, 2004 Here's a list of names I found in my inbox today. If you know anyone with this name just shoot first and ask questions later.

Names of Spammers

Shoot A SPAMMER Calendar

Some prestigious events for National Shoot A SPAMMER Day:

Texas: Hot on the heels of his new CAN-SPAM act, president Bush has announced that he'll be hosting a SPAMMER shoot-off at his Texas estate.
California: Arnold The Governator Schwartzenegger, our new Govenor here in California, will be mounting twin Oozie's on the roof of his Hummer and driving through down-town Sac.
New York: 10,000 gay-wad hippies will be holding a peaceful protest outside the WTO to protest SPAM and all forms of commerce. Hey, they're trying their best, but guns would be better.

Shoot a SPAMMER Pre-game Preparation

In preparation, you might want to do a little shooting practice HERE.

It's actually a turkey shooting game, but SPAMMERs and turkeys are pretty similar.

Have fun and let's make National Shoot A SPAMMER Day a great success!

Onwards to Rik Sagar's Eternally Under Construction Website

EXTRA: Tools for venting your SPAMMER frustration

Vent your frustrations virtually

Just found this: Spam Wars.

Paintballing Power Pack - Tippmann Model 98

Go ahead! Shoot someone!
The Tippmann Model 98 integrates high performance with ergonomic design. It features the Hypershot Trigger System with a 3-pound trigger pull -- one of the lightest on the market. This system eliminates the heavy trigger pull and large amount of play found in most other markers.

Buy me!

1000 Paintball Pellets

Buy me!

Go ahead! Shoot them again!
The newly formulated Brass Eagle .68-caliber paintballs have increased accuracy and performance, with several brilliant color choices. The 1,000-count box is packed in 2 poly bags to ensure freshness.

Night Vision Monocular - Night Owl Cyclops

Shoot them at night! You know night-time is when the bastards are most active...
The versatile, weather-resistant Explorer monocular is designed for a wide range of nocturnal viewing in inclement weather that includes light rain, dust or humidity. A great choice for the outdoorsman or mariner looking for a reliable and rugged night vision device.

Buy me!

DISCLAIMERS: April 15 is not really national Shoot A SPAMMER Day - I made it all up. Actually, it's my brother's 50th birthday. Happy birthday dude!

Shooting people may be illegal. Killing people definatly is illegal, except perhaps Texas, where I understand Mexicans are fair game.

Dispite starting with the line My Fellow Americans I'm not really American. I used it for effect. However, I do live in America and can recommend it!

While I maintain that shooting SPAMMERS is a good idea, it's probably best to do it with non-lethal weapons - SPAM™, Paintballs, Old AOL CDs, etc.

SPAM is a trademark of Hormel Foods - and a damn fine meat product too! Visit spam.com for good Spam advice!